My Gift For Comforting Others Led Me To Become A Therapist

At a very young age, I discovered that I was good at comforting people. When I was 10 years old, I remember finding my neighbor, who was the same age as me, lying on the grass crying. I didn't know why she was upset, but I found it easy to sit with her and just let her cry. That experience made me realize that I had a gift for being able to sit with people in their pain without feeling uncomfortable. As a result, I decided that I wanted to grow up to make the world a better place for all of us.

In primary school, I took a career test which said I had a high aptitude for counseling. So when it came time for college, I chose to pursue psychology as a major. After graduating, I got a job as an activities therapist working with people who struggled with mental illness and were learning to live at home after being institutionalized. While the patients waited for individual and family counseling sessions to begin, I taught them skills for everyday living. After this experience, I now knew I wanted to become a psychotherapist. 

At NYU graduate school I studied psychoanalytic psychotherapy. I also underwent my own psychotherapy so that I would know myself inside and out and be able to help others get to know themselves, too. But I did not just want to help individuals. Coming from a large Italian-American family that was full of both love and dysfunction, I also wanted to help families. So after graduate school, I immediately began postgraduate work at the Center for Family Learning. There, I was educated in Family Systems Theory. The training involved both learning intensively and meeting with 25 families a week. I loved it and thrived in my chosen specialty. I went on to become a faculty member so that I could train others in this field.

Additionally, my experience extends far beyond the bounds of ordinary counseling. Eight years ago, I spent three weeks studying mindfulness practice at a meditation retreat in Plum Village, France. There, I trained with Thich Nhat Hanh, a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize who was friends with Martin Luther King Jr. He is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, social justice activist, poet and writer. Hanh—or Thay, as we called him—helped me understand the connection between the body and the mind on a deeper level. More importantly, he helped me see that liberating the body is a gateway to liberating society as a whole. Freeing our bodies from the pain we carry within us can help free us from the historical baggage that society has placed on us. In this way, mindfulness can be used as a springboard for social change. 

In my practice today, I aim to assist you in your understanding of yourself within the context of your family, work life, schooling, and social network. I want to look for the attributes that you enjoy about yourself and help you arrive at a deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you. 

What Is Important To Me Outside Of My Work

Outside of my work, I like spending time with friends and family. Nature is my happy place and I live at the border of many hiking trails and the edge of a river where I can see the ocean from my house. I like to hike, row, swim, kayak, and play golf. Additionally, gardening is a favorite pastime of mine. I am currently a member of the Home Owner Association Board, for whom I am in charge of overseeing all the community gardens in my area.

Animals are also very important to me. I have a pet therapy dog, “Dr. Gozo,” who helped me in my practice for 14 years, bringing comfort and relief to clients in emotional distress. Today, Dr. Gozo is 15 years old, retired, and living at home. 

Even though I am a well-seasoned therapist with over four decades of experience, I continue to practice supervision of counselors in training. This helps keep my approach to the healing process fresh and open-minded. I believe that no one ever transcends the need to hone and polish their craft, and that is why I enjoy drawing from the uniqueness and inspiration that young and aspiring counselors bring to the table.

Ever since 1983, when I began private practice, I’ve been empowering people to heal their emotional wounds and find their path forward in life. I want to do the same for you. No matter how heavy and burdensome today feels, I am confident that I can help you lift the weight off your shoulders so you can experience newfound peace in your life. I am based in New Jersey, USA and work virtually around the world.

Frances Aquino is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Highlands, New Jersey. She received a Master’s of Social Work (MSW) from New York University (NYU) and underwent advanced training as a post-graduate at the Center for Family Therapy. She has been working in private practice since 1983, helping children, teens, adults, and families navigate life transitions and fulfill their hopes and dreams.